Wait and hope

Wait and hope..

What would you say now..

Boy wonder fights razor with his face

A recent infestation of ants has forced me to pull everything out of my room and hot box it with insecticide. Living like a refugee until I have time to put everything back in place has kind of left me in a position to look at myself. I.. honestly, I wonder who I am anymore.

Up until about an hour ago, I had a full-fledged beard. I kind of look at it as the symptom of everything that's been going on lately. It's going to take a few strong cups of coffee and a rainy morning in front of a notebook and a mirror to place most of how I've changed over the last year or so, but to keep things simple tonight I'll start there.

I can't say it didn't look nice.. I kind of think it did. My hair's never been longer and oddly that's been a boost to my self esteem. In some ways, I feel like I'm finally coming into the image I had of myself when I would close my eyes in bed at night. But.. only in some ways. Facial hair wasn't part of the picture - and that bothered me a little.

Basically, other people said it looked nice.. so it stayed. Over the last several months I've been giving out more and more of myself, bending what I thought I should be so that others would be.. well.. happy, I guess. Please don't think I'm angry with that, I'm really not. But I will be a bit more of myself again.

You don't notice how much confidence you lose by not being yourself.

I just want to be me. I'll listen to my crappy bands, and read my boring books, and style my hair that weird way, but at least I'll be happy.

remember me?

apparently they were going to shut my site down because i haven't used it in so long.. heh.

i guess i'm back..

I'm silly...

A silly boy, in love.

<3

This is it

My first night at school, already.

I'm going to try to write more, and catch the little pieces of this year as they flash by. How many times have I said that, I wonder?

My summer went well. Too much happened to write, or even begin to write.. I am just in awe of what can happen if you only decide that things *must* happen. I can honestly say that even until the end, I never took a single day for granted- I was always busy, either with work or with things far more important. In many ways, few things have changed at all... but in some ways, a whole world has gone by. As far as you should know, I miss this summer already-- but I am happy and excited for everything to come =)

Someone took my parking pass.. They can't read the signature, but they're checking the database right now. Just so long as I get it.. that's all I care about. Tomorrow I'll look into it, as well as books, possibly changing my advisor, looking into my class schedule, and upgrading my meal plan. I also have to go shopping for groceries, my new dorm fridge is sitting massive, cold, and empty.

4 am... I have about 6 hours of sleep before tomorrow. goodnight, all =)